Finding Myself...

It has been far too long since I last took to this keyboard to write about my world, inner or real. So much has changed, too much hasn't, as I experience the last six months of my thirties, I am struggling to feel the sense of accomplishment I anticipated at this point in my life. Equally difficult, is to pinpoint the exact point it all went awry, there is far too much self-pitying reflection going on lately. Is what I'm experiencing just your average midlife crisis?

Veggie patch 3.0, last year, 2.0, was the straw bale beds in
 the background

Once upon a time, we would celebrate 40 as a huge achievement in longevity, now we could live happily to 80, and 40 becomes for some of us, a cause to grieve for our youth, lament our mistakes, resentment for things we haven't done, or situations that held us back or pushed us off the path we wanted to be on. This is not where I want to be, how many opportunities have I missed out on,  I haven't always made the best decisions.

Helpful spawn, this time we are trying a hugelbed like system.

What have I done that makes my life worthy, how will I be remembered, what really is the meaning of life? Does my existence really have a lasting purpose. At the end of my life, will I count? Its not like I'm going to cure cancer, I'm just a mum, wife, daughter etc.

Murphy - the overseer 

I feel I'm being a little self-indulgent whining like this, it hasn't all been bad, and I am proud to have survived the things that were. There has been some amazing people and moments in my life, and I know I will have many more.



Maybe we sometimes experience a little craziness at our halfway mark, just so we have an opportunity to stop and take a different road, try on some different shoes, sometimes just for a mile, or they might be too comfy to take off. The Midpoint Mayhem could be a gift, of reinvention, a shaking of the quick from the dead, a chance to find the right track, see the roads less travelled, and gain a fresh perspective.




This could be more madness than musing, but I think I'm on to something here, this could be a chance to get off the beaten path, and discover things I couldn't have dreamed I could achieve, not a new me, a wiser me.

Bek.