Okay, so I thought quite a lot about what I write, and why I write more about my veggies than anything else, and the conclusion? I am a self conscious nutjob. Well, it's not quite that easy, there are some extenuating circumstances, but I have realized that for the most part, I am chicken, I can hear that subconscious bwaak bok bok bok right now. There are reasons and excuses, privacy issues, and some of what I'd like to say might not be my place to say, as, although it might be my thoughts or experiences, it might also be a shared thing that someone else wants to keep private. It's okay, I know I'm neurotic, in-fact, Little miss perky pants brought me this journal so I could embrace my various neurosis.
I love it but I haven't really used it, and again, it's that self conscious thing kicking in. Then there is the how much of my children's lives should I share? Or my partners? My friends? The only safe things are usually the garden, Annie my kombi van, or my dog... And due to my medical condition, at the moment my life is in the toilet, not metaphorically either. I have Interstital Cystitis, I spend a lot of flare up time in the loo and, if thats all my life consists of for now, what positive experiences can I blog about? I could share the hilariously embarassing or depressing tales of living with this condition, but I fear coming across as a negative person, or worse, a whinger. As for my personal struggles and frustrations, how much is too much? Do I really want to vent my tortured soul on the Internet, crying woe is me? I have a shrink for that, and there are many people in the world who have a much harder time of it than I.
So now that I've opened the proverbial can of worms, the beast of self analysis, the admission that I am cowardly, now what? Do I shove it all back down and pretend I didn't discover my cowardess? I did name this blog Musing or Madness for a reason, so I think it's high time to suck it up sunshine, and put myself out there. I won't stop sharing my food growing experiences, that is a big part of who and where I am right now, but I will try and step a little further out of my comfort zone.
Good crazy or bad crazy, I am who I am, and this is my space.
Bek.
No comments:
Post a Comment