Midnight sharings...

The frugal chicken stock I am making for tomorrow night is bubbling on the stove, and I am taking a break from packing to write this, any excuse will do, but at least this feels productive.

We really liked the little two acre property, and the joy of a house that could be our home for many years is extremely appealing, so we put in an offer and it was accepted! 

Hopefully, fingers crossed, this could be our new home.

Before I moved here, I had probably moved more than 16 times in ten years. This house has been over six years of bliss and security that I have never known before, and packing up my little sanctuary fills me with sadness, I will miss this little house, and all of the dreams and plans we had for it. But someone new will come, and with them will come other plans and hopes and dreams, it was just not meant to be ours. 

I still have hopes, dreams, and plans, but I will be spending them on a hundred year old, relocated farmhouse, and the paddocks that surround it. My mum mentioned to a friend our potential new homes location, and it just so happens he has spent quite a bit of time there, and offered us a free horse, wow. It is weird how sometimes the right time, the right place, and the right circumstances can come together. We would have to do some fast work on the stables, and check the fences but, there is a lot of room...

Hoping not to put the cart before the horse,

Bek. 

It could be home...

  

It think this is a cherry tree, I will be posting various fruit tree photos throughout, if you know what they are, please let me know, and I still would love to hear from brave treechangers out there. Or even those who have left the country and braved suburbia. Please share your experiences, and advice.

As I wrote earlier today, we decided to look at a house to purchase in a tiny rural town. It has a mini orchard, (hence the questioning fruit tree photos), a place to keep the chickens, it has a perfect place for veggie growing, several fenced paddocks, and even a stable. Everything is in varying states of disrepair, but I won't post those photos as its not my property... Yet. 

Crab apples? 

There is a huge cypress out the front, that my youngest has claimed as hers, infact, every one has claimed a room, a paddock, and has started to make plans. I myself walked through with much trepidation, I squashed hope, excitement, and my hearts yearning, with every flaw I could find. But alas, even the old unfinished floors, that bowed and sagged so badly, couldn't stop my stupid brain from screaming mine! 

Plums?

I tried to tell my heart that the bullnose veranda looked like a truck fell on it, or that I hate the oh-so-pink bathroom with the rusty bathtub. I really do hate pink, but my heart said, live with it for a while, you can fix it... Eventually. 

Apricots or maybe almonds?

Hope would not leave as I looked at the overgrown paddocks, it whispered jersey cow and goats, more fruit trees, berries, and space, your space, your land. I told hope about responsibility, fence mending, and the added expenses of slashing and a ride on mower. You'll learn, we'll find a way she gently whispered, reinforcing Justin's own words. And Justin's hope came out too, ours, it could all be ours. 

No idea?

Well after that, my stupid excitement wouldn't be quiet either. We have found that there is a local school bus that will take kids to high school, and the primary school is visible through the opposite neighbours paddocks. There is a pub, a general store/post office, and a communtity hall with more community groups than our whole family could ever have the time for. We did come across a scary person, via my daughter who had some guy yell across the road at her (she was walking down the Main Street to use the pub toilets,) to go and bash someone in the house she was passing, but sadly for my head, excitement would not be quelled. He's only one, I'm sure the other 300 odd people are fine. The gentleman who could be our new neighbour returned the hello, okay, he said it rushed like, and walked extra fast away, but I think that had more to do with the two greyhounds he was walking, and his own hope that I might not be stupid enough to approach them. 

So now we are looking at the cost of firewood, and ride on mowers. The feasibility of cheap carpet offcuts, second hand bathtubs, and temporary fence solutions for murphy. This could be home... 

Bek.

Looking at a treechange...

I know it has been a long time since I last wrote a post, and there have been so many posts that could've been written, but the last few months could have been written as a series of unfortunate events, parts one through twenty. With all that's gone on, I couldn't bring myself to write any of it down, fear I think is the blocker here, fear of if I had shared it all, I couldn't ignore the amount i'm carrying. Mostly, I just want a do over, if only life was like a game, I could pause, load an earlier save, and do it all again, maybe make it all better. Or prevent some things that have happened. I don't think I'm hopeless, just tired of always shovelling it uphill, the effort is wearing me down, I just hope that soon it gets easier. 

One of the more prominent issues is finding a new home, my landlords are selling this one, and although I was hoping to buy it, I am not eligible to borrow enough from the bank, almost, but not quite. So the hunt is on, I need out of here as quickly as possible, brave are the people who can handle house showings while you live there. The agent is nice, and so are the people, I am just too damn self conscious to cope, and physically keeping the house at showing standards is hard on my ailing body. 

I got lazy yesterday, I was so unwell, and today I'll be struggling, I will be looking at a very promising home that will fit us comfortably, with 2 acres, and a wood burning stove! Scarily, it is in an agricultural town of just over three hundred, and No high school. I go from this could be the dream, to, this feels like the start of a horror movie. Family moves into a small town in the middle of nowhere, it's a real fixer upper but they are looking at a fresh start, things go well until.... Enter horror theme here? 

I think one of the challenges for me will be living so far from the hospitals, will country doctors understand my conditions,  will they have the tools and skills to manage me when only a select few do in the city? And then there are the frequent trips to the royal children's hospital that I need to make, and I don't think I can afford a hotel. I know that some people travel 4 hours in the morning to get to the RCH (waiting room chatter), so I don't think there will be a rural option.

I would love to hear from people who have bravely taken the leap, made the difficult decision to move away from everyone and everything out into the rural unknown, what challenges did you face? Tell me the good bits too. What benefits have you or your family noticed? Does the good bad ratio balance up? 

Desperately seeking feedback, 

Bek.

Let me tell you about, last weekend.

It is almost the end of the school holidays, I will be so sad to say goodbye to sleeping in, and all day or late night sessions on the couch under a blanket with my spawn, watching as many back to back episodes of a series that we can cram in. It has been a very laid back sort of holidays, and that is the kind of pace I like. No deadlines, no rushing, just doing what we please, within reason. The 3 youngest spawn had a wonderful time at Miss Perky Pants' sleepover, being the wonderful crazy kids they are, and My little sis being who she is, I had no doubt. And then the rest of the weekend happened...

A photo of Miss Perky Pants and spawn at their sleepover. Did I mention the crazy? It's genetic.

My Justin and I were a little late leaving for our date, and got sidetracked by all the shiny that is jb high fi, Justin had been up since 5am, so we skipped the movie and went to the pancake parlor instead, followed by a rare quiet night at his house, and a veggie bacon, eggs, and mushrooms breakfast. Justin had a meeting he'd forgotten and couldn't take me home, it was a rush to get ready for 19yo spawn to take me home on his way to work, thank you Mikey! 

Bleary eyed the next morning, I awoke to my phone at 5.30. 15yo spawn had gone camping with friends and it was the coldest winter night on record for four years, the soarers thermostat said -4 as my partner rescued 15yo spawn and her boyfriend, the tent they'd been sharing had partially collapsed with the heavy ice, and the sleeping bags were iced over as well, poor kids. Once they were safe and warm, I crashed again, I had a Karnivool gig that night and I refused to be tired.

 Miss perky pants sent me into a rush, we thought the gig started at 8, but she'd just checked the tickets and they'd said 6... She needed to pick me up earlier, Arrrggghh. I hadn't even showered, my clothes were still in the dryer. Rush rush and she was here, rushing me some more to get ready. A near accident five minutes later saw us nearly not make it, but some great defensive driving on my sisters part, and lots of adrenaline got us there, 2 hours early! The tickets had a misprint, it did start at 8 after all... I hadn't eaten all day so it was actually good luck, we had a great dinner at Mexican graffiti in Geelong, and walked back to line up for VOOL!! The really good luck part meant that we were now early, and had a chance at the front. Sis and I are ALWAYS at the front. We even got my favourite spot, right in between Drew and Kenny. Me on Drew's side, and Sis on Kenny's.

Us getting pumped before it started. My sis posted this up on her Facebook with the tag line, front and centre, just where I like it. and thanks to the awesome security guy for taking this for us. Unfortunately during the first two acts, Sleepmakeswaves, and The Redcoats, the step that he stood on to over see the crowd was right in front of me... Leaving my face in front of his groin for the not so better part of 2 hours, with me craning my neck to see the bands, he did stay off it for Karnivool though. 

Sleepmakeswaves played great music, I didn't miss a vocalist or words to their songs, an entirely instrumental band, they created a perfect atmosphere for the night. 

The drummer was mesmerising to watch, (when I wasn't inadvertently staring at groin,) he was almost euphoric, as he pounded the skins entirely in his own moment, hearing and feeling his own rhythm, his eyes frequently fluttering to white as if in a perpetual state of ecstasy. The drummer is the heart of the band, and he was definitely the star for me. Amazing! 

The redcoats were amazing too, a blend of heavy rock and bluesy vocals, and the lead singer was definitely a sensual experience, the way he made love to the mic stand... Whoa... 

I will be looking forward to hearing and seeing these guys again, did I already say amazing?! I don't always look forward to bands that are not the band I've come to see, but these guys didn't let us down! Mind you, Miss Perky Pants already knew how good these guys were, and they have themselves a new fan, so much more than a supporting act, these guys rocked the stage hard. Bring on the VOOL! 

From where I stand watching karnivool, there is no one band member that's stands out from the rest on stage, no single front man stealing the show, they are all equally "there" in stage presence no matter the contribution. And once again, AMAZING! (oh come on, you knew it was coming.) This band has not left the top 20 of my iTunes playlist since my sister shared them with me a few years ago, and after hearing some of the new upcoming tunes that night, they will continue to hold their place. It only got a little rough, one crowd surfer dropped on my sisters head and snapped her neck forward, but she was okay the next day,  and I didn't have too many bruises from being rammed into the barrier, not as many as I usually do. Though because of my health issues, I had to take my oxynorm on the way home, and I've been slow to recover, slower than normal. But that's okay, it means the pace has slowed back to chilling on the couch with my spawn, snuggling, and not doing much of anything at all, I like this rare pace. Plus, my kombi died again the week before, we're pretty sure it's a CV joint this time, so at some point we'll drop her off to get fixed, I'm in no rush and I like it that way for the moment. But sometimes the rush is good. 

My sis and I after the gig with the karnivool setlists we scored from the stage, she got Kenny's and I got Drew's, so happy and sweaty were we, thank you to my sis for another awesome gig night! 

It hasn't been all slackness, there has been bread making, and garden pottering, among other things. And to end the holidays, my sister told us a few weeks ago of a new scienceworks exhibit, Wallace and Gromit! That's this weekends fun, I can't wait, but for now I might want to get out of my dressing gown before the shopping delivery arrives. I'll do a garden post soon. 

Bek.

In need of a time out...

I've not forgotten, it's just all been overwhelming here, and I am still chanting November is coming... It's not the blogging, but finding the space and time to pause and blog, and when I am needed by so many, the things I want to do are the first things to be shoved aside, for all the things I need to do. Actually, it's more like all I want to do gets put on hold, for everything everyone needs me to do... 15yo spawn needed running around for work experience stuff, 13yo spawn missed the bus, Mumsy needs picking up, Murphy needs some attention and exercise, driving half an hour to pick up spawn only to find they are staying the night at their friends... Dinner, washing, dishes, making bread, and never being alone. Even as write this hiding in my bedroom for some silence and solitude, my door is being knocked on and 10yo spawn enters, in this small paragraph I've been interrupted 4 times... Hence the recent not blogging. 

The question I ask myself is this, where did my boundaries go? Why is what I want to do, less important than what everyone else wants me to do? Being a mum doesn't mean that I have to give up everything that makes me who I am, nor should it mean I give up every precious snippet of time I have. But somewhere inside is a feeling of guilt or inadequacy if I can't do it all. Some of these detrimental feelings come from living with disabilities, and not functioning on par with the average person, and more so as my children have lived through things I couldn't have ever thought I'd have to prevent or protect them from. The lesson I have to learn, how to put my own personal value level with theirs. If I dont look after me, how can I look after them? 

So here's to the parents of the world, may we take time out to remember who we are and in that, be even more amazing parents and happier role models for the sake of our spawn. 

Step one for me in operation take back Becky, I have a date with my partner Justin on Friday night. Thanks to Miss perky pants offering to take the spawn, we will be having a dinner (that I don't have to cook or clean up after), followed by a movie (Ted), and I will be staying the night at Justins house (something I have only done once in almost a year). But wait, it's not over yet, Sunday night will see me at a Karnivool gig with Miss perky pants, and I don't have to drag myself out of bed early on Monday, yay for school holidays. All in all it's a weekend full of epic win! 

A picture I took of Mr Ian Kenny at my last karnivool gig. I still have the set list I scored stuck to my wardrobe door. 

November is coming, but this weekend is closer, 

Bek. 

Looking forward to November...

Things have been crazy here, prank callers, missing children (who were not actually missing due to a school miscommunication, but it was a stressfully and scary two hours.), 15yo spawns mystery illness now known as urticaria, and a crazy dog who decided to let himself into the house and make mischief, with the clean washing on the couch, the washing that took me three days to dry as my dryer is broken and I have a tiny clothes horse. A broken kombi, again! And the general day to day business, nothing ever stops. The good bits were getting 15yo spawns boyfriend hooked on firefly, the best Joss Whedon creation ever! And my honorary Nephews 18th Birthday. 

Some of Murphy's handy work, he knocked over the chicken wire fence to squish my poor broccolli seedlings, I hope they bounce back.

My younger sister, aka. Miss perky pants, was going to Nepal at the end of the year, but due to some issues, it has been put on hold. Instead, she is going to hike Mount Kosiosko for four days and the the blue mountains for another four, with a stopover at our older sisters in Sydney, we shall call Sydney Sis The sane one, I think she's the most normal of the three of us. (The three of us from my mum, I actually have four sisters.) The best bit of the trip? She's taking me! Yay! Walking is kind of difficult for me and requires a walking stick if it's for any length of time, I won't be hiking, so while she's out climbing mountains, I'll be enjoying complete and utter solitude. A much needed and rare thing in my world, I am almost never alone, oh to write or read uninterrupted, to use the toilet without hearing "Mum?" (how do they always know?). November can't come quickly enough! The added bonus is Miss perky pants is hilariously witty, I am sure we are going to have an amazingly carefree and memorable time, with lots of bonding and laughter. Not to forget mentioning how wonderful it will be to see my nephews, nieces, and brother in law, at The sanes ones home. I miss out on so much living in a different state. My new mantra, November is coming, November is coming, November is coming... Now all I have to do is hang on to some frayed strand of sanity until the trip.

The garden beds this week - 

Slowly there's a little more green coming through, we are down to our last celery, and when will these tomatoes die? Theyve started flowering again, it's winter? I've also got some seedlings growing, there is kale, broadbeans, peas, brussel sprouts, and a lettuce mix. Murphy is still enjoying the home cooking, though with me unwell, we did cheat a few times, and this week I am buying a worm farm or two for fertiliser, and further waste reduction.

If I don't post again by Thursday, have a wonderful Winter solstice, for those in the Northern part of our little globe, Summer solstice. 

November is coming, November is coming, November is coming...

Bek.

Weeds are my friends

After my last post I was a little anxious, and fought the urge to delete it, but I'm fighting my self conscious urges, repeating in my head 'good crazy or bad crazy, I am who I am, and this is my space.' I think it might have been my mantra for this week, along with, 'sanity over sanitation.' As I look about my house and feel guilty for all that I can't do at present, the good news is I am on the mend, and day by day I can do just a little bit more. 

It has been raining so much here on the western outskirts of Melbourne, my weeds are very happy, and there is so much green. My poor garden has been very neglected. In my food growing journey, I have thought weeds an enemy, but I have noticed something, the weeds have softened my rock hard clay soil, their roots digging deep saved me back breaking work, so for now, I will unashamedly leave them, as long as they aren't dropping seed or taking valuble space. Not a lazy gardener, a smart one. Okay, I am lazy but now I have a good excuse, and I have a great way to get free organic matter into the clay. 

This was the section my capsicums were in, with my partners help, I have moved them to the greenhouse. The fruit just wasn't making it in the frosty winter mornings. The grass you see had grown lushly all through this bed, even though before planting I'd weeded, dug through lime, and covered thickly with newspaper and sugarcane mulch. The amazing thing for me was, before I'd started, this bed was hard and dry rocky clay with not a worm in site. As I dug up the capsicums and weeds, not only were they the easiest weeds I've ever pulled, but in the bottom of every hole, WORMS, lots and lot of worms. I was so excited! They say if in a shovelful of soil you find ten worms, your soil is rockin', my soil is positively kick arse! As soon as the rain stops, I'll be out to finish ripping out the grass and weeds as this will be my brassica area, and I have some kale and broccoli seedlings in need of a home. 

The garden beds this week, I still haven't pulled out the tomatoes, but the celery is going to good use. Soon I'll have space for more plants. 

And finally, there has been lots and lots of bread making. This loaf was made by Baby spawn, who marked it with a huge A for Amelia, and I am posting this picture with pride. I am off to snuggle under the throw rug on my couch with My Justin and watch a good 'end of the world as we know it' flick, with a little warm apple pie and cream, and 15yo spawn who loves to be scared.

Bek.